How to support a child thinking about suicide  

When you’re a parent or caregiver, seeing your child struggle with their mental health and well-being can feel overwhelming. If they mention suicide — or you suspect they’re thinking about it — it can set off your panic buttons. 

Here’s the thing: there’s a lot you can do and many ways to get real support. Much of it comes down to deeply honoring your child’s feelings, letting them speak, and seeking the help they need. You don’t have to do this alone. Just like you would turn to doctors for a medical problem, you can get professional help for mental health challenges too.

I’m worried that my child is thinking about suicide. What can I do?

It may not be easy, but try to slow down. Take a breath. This is going to be a process, not a quick fix. It’s more of a marathon than a sprint. Your goal is to make sure your child feels seen, heard, and supported every step of the way. Here’s how to do that. 

Trust yourself. You know your child. If you’re worried, there’s a reason.

Be direct. You can ask your child if they think about death, suicide, or wanting to die. Using the word “suicide” doesn’t make it more likely to happen — it helps your child feel heard.  

Tip: It’s ok to say: “You seem distant lately. I’m wondering how you’re doing. Sometimes, when people feel that way, they think about harming or killing themselves. Do you ever feel that way?”

Believe your kid. If they often talk about feeling sad, hopeless, or worthless — or if they talk about suicide — believe them. It isn’t a routine mood swing, phase, or way to get attention.  Thank them for telling you and trusting you with this.

Listen, don’t solve. Avoid pep talks or trying to change their mood. Your one goal is to build trust and safety so your teen knows you’re there for them. That means listening. 

Ask open-ended, non-judgmental questions. When you do speak, be curious. Instead of yes or no questions, invite your child to open up. Put aside your own ideas so your child feels seen.

Tip: You can say things like, “I’m not sure I understand. What’s an example?” or “Please tell me more so I really get what you’re saying.”

Accept your child’s feelings. It may be hard to hear, but you don’t want to downplay their feelings. If you don’t take their feelings seriously, it tells your child you don’t take them seriously. 

Make a safety plan. Who can your child call in a crisis? What do they need from you? Where can they go until the feelings start to go away? Be specific and have backup plans.

Tip: You don’t want your child to be alone in a crisis. Even if they aren’t talking, just being around friends, family, and others they trust will keep them safer. 

Seek professional help. Say to your child, “These are important feelings you’re having. When people have these kinds of feelings and thoughts, they often get support from someone like a therapist. Would you be open to that?” (See Where can I turn for professional help? for more tips.)

Keep crisis numbers handy. And make sure your child has them too. These numbers are available 24/7 at no cost:

  • Call or text 988. The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline offers free, confidential support for anyone experiencing a mental health crisis. 
  • Call or text 1-833-773-2445 (only in Massachusetts). The Massachusetts Behavioral Health Help Line connects residents to a range of services. They can even come to your home for emergencies. 
  • Call 911. You can call for mental health emergencies too. But try the other lines first.

My child said they’re thinking about suicide. What can I do?

Follow these steps:

  1. Stop. Put away your phone and other devices. Sit down, slow down, look at your child, and be present. 
  2. Listen. Let your child speak. Focus on what they’re saying and doing. Make them feel heard — this is your job right now. Fixing things comes later. 
  3. Validate. Let your child know that their feelings are ok. Even if those feelings are scary, they’re not wrong. (See How can I validate my child’s feelings?)
  4. Get help. You have lots of options. The key is to make the first phone call to find help. (See Where can I turn for professional help?)
  5. Create a safe household. Your main goal is to remove or lock up things that your child can harm themselves with. (See How can I make my house safer for my child?)

How can I validate my child’s feelings?

To make your child feels heard, use phrases like these:

  • “I’m here to help you, but I also know I don’t have all the answers. Right now, I just want to listen so I can make sure I do what’s really helpful for you.”
  • “I don’t know the best way to help yet. I’m here to listen because I want to know your experience and what you’re feeling. ”
  • “These are really important things you’re sharing. It means a lot to me that you told me.”
  • “Thank you for trusting me to tell me these things. It’s really important.“
  • “It’s hard to hear you’re feeling this way, but I’m really glad you told me.”

Is there anything I should avoid saying or doing?

Yes. It’s best to avoid phrases like:

  • “In my day…”
  • “You just need to shake yourself out of it.” 
  • “Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps.”
  • “You’ll grow out of it.” 
  • “Everyone feels down sometimes. You’ll be fine.”
  • “You just need to focus on the positive and be cheerful like me!”
  • “You can’t feel like this. You have so many good things around you.”
  • “What do you have to be sad or depressed about?”

Why? All of these phrases tell your child that they’re feelings aren’t real or important. Or that you don’t think they should have them. And that will break their trust. 

While you don’t want your child to be in pain, this is where they are. They need you to hear and accept that. That’s why it helps to validate their feelings. Tell them how important it is to hear what they’re feeling and thank them for telling you. 

Where can I turn for professional help?

In a crisis, call or text 988. In Massachusetts, you can also call or text 1-833-773-2445.

Longer term, you have options like:

  • Mental health professional at school
  • Mental health counselor
  • Your child’s doctor
  • Social worker
  • Psychologist 
  • Child psychiatrist

If it feels hard to pick, start with the person you’re most at ease with. All the providers in this list will work together. If you don’t start with the right person, they can connect you to someone else who better fits your child’s needs. Let your child know it could take some time to find the right help.

Tip: Ask your child about their preferences. Would they rather see someone at school or outside of school? Do they have gender or race preferences? Do they prefer in-person or virtual care?

How can I make my house safer for my child?

Take these steps:

  • Remove all guns and bullets from the home
  • Make sure you can unlock all doors in your home (inside and outside)  
  • Keep keys for your car and other vehicles with you — lock them in a lock box when not using them 
  • Secure and lock high-level windows and access to rooftops

You’ll also want to lock up:

  • Medications, even over-the-counter ones like aspirin
  • Knives, razors, ropes, tie downs, electrical cords, and similar items
  • Bottles of alcohol  
  • All forms of marijuana (use a lock box) 
  • All toxic household cleaners, pesticides, and industrial chemicals 

What children are most at risk for suicide?

While suicide can affect any family, we see higher rates among Black and Brown children and teens. For families of Black and Brown children, that means looking early for risks and warning signs is even more important.

We also know that younger and younger children are attempting suicide. Even though you think your grade school child doesn’t understand suicide or death, they do. Talking about those types of feelings is important.

We still need more data to learn why rates are higher for Black and Brown children, and we can’t predict who will commit suicide. But we do know that any of the following can put them more at risk:

  • Family history of suicide or suicide attempt
  • Previous suicide attempt and how the attempt was made (the more planning — saving up medications, making sure others weren’t around, writing a suicide note — the higher the risk)
  • Existing mental illness, like depression, anxiety, psychosis, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
  • Drug and alcohol use
  • History of being abused, treated very poorly, or neglected
  • Conflict or event that causes a lot of shame or guilt
  • Difficult life events, like a break-up or the death of a loved one 

What are the warning signs of suicide?

With children thinking of suicide, we often see signs like:

  • Major changes in how they’re doing at school 
  • Talking about being worthless, helpless, or hopeless 
  • Spending much more time alone than before 
  • Being very irritable and grumpy much of the time

More resources 

Remember, the most important thing you can do is build a sense of openness, safety, and trust with your kids. The tips here are a great place to start. If you want more, we recommend: